Random Thoughts...

I have a ton of random thoughts running through my mind, so I thought I'd vent/blog a little a see if anything goes anywhere!

1)I kinda suck at this whole blogging thing. I mean I've never been much of a writer so I'm not sure what gave me the bright idea to start this blog, but I've been terrible at keeping it up to date! I had good intentions in the beginning, I wanted to keep everyone up to date on Charlie. I think I may have lost motivation along the way b/c I wasn't getting much feed back and I wasn't sure if anyone was even reading it. 

2)Sunburns hurt... working out while you have a sunburn hurts worse! And then having to change clothes and wear fitted clothes all day is just miserable. This weekend was Cal Poly's Open House, formerly known in my college days as Poly Royal Weekend. Its for prospects and alumni to come to campus and see all it is that Cal Poly has to offer. Its a pretty fun weekend full of tractor pulls and rodeos and deep fried anything you could imagine. This weekend was exceptionally beautiful out and so I decided to soak up the sun, a little too much apparently. The only thing burned is my shoulders, and I'm convinced that besides the top of your thighs, and burns you only get in a tanning bed, shoulder burns are near the top of the list when it comes to pain. Oh well, no pain no tan!

3)My brother should join a tractor pull team. I have never been to the pulls before. I have lots of friends from college that are apart of Cal Poly's team, and I've always meant to go to the pulls, but I was generally too wrapped up in rodeo stuff to make it over to the tractor pulls. But let me tell ya these tractors are awesome! They have airplane motors, or helicopter motors, or any other creation. Cal Poly's tractors, along with many others from california are built by Cal Poly students and a pretty awesome BRAE professor form Cal Poly. My brother loves loves loves to work on his truck and I think building giant tractor engines and then seeing how far they can pull a giant sled down a track... right up his ally!

 

Cal Poly's Mustang Fever!                                                                                                                    Dodge pullin against a Chevy, Dodge wins!                                                                

4)My nephew is addicted to bubbles and its the cutest thing I've ever seen. His favorite Aunt got him a bubble gun for Easter not knowing of his love for bubbles, and it was definitely a hit! The only bad part, Easter Sunday was cold and rainy and yucky outside and Mr. Landon wanted his bubbles!!! So outside it was... I hope my kids are as cute as he is! 

Bubbles!!!!!!!

5)Who the heck changes their last name to a number?!?! I'll tell you, Chad OchoCinco... I'm watching dancing with the stars, and this guy is something else. I have not watched the show this season so I was fully prepared to dislike him, but actually he's kinda funny! 

6)I miss Charlie like crazy. Well that's actually number 1 on my mind, always, but I figured no one really wanted to read another blog where I talk about how much I miss Charlie. I'm so proud of that guy. He's such an amazing person. I think I'm supposed to be the supportive one, holding down the fort in the states so he can focus on what he's gotta do over there. But really, he's been my rock, he's been the one keeping me sane, and supporting me through life's twists and turns. We've found this amazing way to be there for each other through all the highs and lows even though we are half a world away. I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world! 

"Semper Fi" The driver just got back from Afghanistan! This one has two helicopter engines on it! 

So I definitely was not kidding with the random thoughts, they are swimming around all over my head. And I'm not so sure that blogging helped much, but now the thoughts can swim around blog-land! Enjoy! 

Check this out!!

So I got to talk to Charlie tonight!!! Its been a while, well I talked to him on tuesday, but it was a sad conversation (his grandmother passed away last weekend, more on that later). But today I got to talk to him for almost an hour!!! He made quick mention that he though he may have been on CNN recently. Turns out CNN did a story about Ashley, one of his Marines. Its a great little story, and its posted right here.... I found Charlie (and Robbie) can you!?





Pretty awesome huh?!?

Been a while...

It seems I have blogging spurts, I blog and blog and then I hit a dry spell. This has been one of those dry spells. Work is crazy, I've been working over time and weekends, I feel like all I have done lately is work! And whoever said bankers have the best hours clearly hasn't worked in the banking industry lately! I have new loan requests up to my ears, but I haven't even been able to look at them the last 2 months because of the mountain of reporting that is due on Monday! And then just when I get a break from reporting, and a few short weeks to work on new and renewed loans, then comes quarter end and a whole new mountain of reporting to tackle. Bummer!! The banking industry is not exactly fun right now, but I am learning a whole heck of a lot!

But lets be real, my writing muse has nothing to do with the fact that my job as a credit analyst has transformed into reports specialist. I think I'll attribute it to the sunny day on the beautiful central coast! And that I got to chat with Charlie today!

Beautiful days happen often here, but its been pretty dreary lately, cloudy, cold, bundle in a sweatshirt and jeans, no need for pedicures b/c wearing flip flops is not an option, kind of dreary. But today the sun shined so bright you could feel its warmth penetrating deep into your skin, and the winds held off almost all day. It was so perfect out that I wanted to spend all day outside! It persuaded me to get a pedicure and wear flip flops, and a t-shirt and jeans around down town. I shopped, and pampered myself a bit, and enjoyed the warm winter day!

And then to end such a beautiful day I got a phone call from Charlie! He's back at leatherneck for a little bit. He hasn't been there for over a month so he had lots and letters and packages waiting for him when he got there! We got pretty lucky this last month, he had internet where he was stationed at so we got to e-mail daily! It was pretty awesome. It so crazy to me how much stronger, how much closer we have become this deployment. Charlie and I talk about EVERYTHING. The little things, the big things, the things that scare us, the things that hold us back, the things that excite us, and the things we are looking forward to, absolutely everything. Neither one of us hold anything back, and I love that.

We are officially on the downhill side of this deployment!! 3 1/2 months down, 3 1/2 to go! There is so much change that will happen in the next three months, so much to look forward to, so much to be excited about!

Photographic Update!

Charlie and I have been Skyping a lot the last two days! Its been so nice to actually get to see him while we chat! I know I've gone on and on about how much I love skype, so I'll spare you the details! But, in short, Charlie is doing great! He's still with the Brits and keeping busy. In our chat the other night he sent over lots of pictures, so here they are!

That's Robbie on the left and Tigo, Tim's dog on the right. Just relaxin after a long walk! 

One of the little kids Charlie saw. He says kids will fight, really throw punches, over a piece of candy! 

Afghanistan has turkeys too!! 

This was just after a Shura, a meeting between the military and the locals. 

They pay the locals good money for the use of their compounds. They use them for sleeping and storing their gear while they're in a village. 

Cute lil puppy running around Afghanistan! 

And last but not least, Charlie after 2 weeks in the field, apparently running with the Brits has its advantages... shaving, what's that?! 

Charlie has lots of stories of his time with the Brits. He's having a great time with them, but a terrible time trying to understand them! The Brits are not to bad to understand, but there is a Scottish guy and he's impossible! I heard him the other night when we were on skype and it seriously sounded like he was speaking in a completely different language! Charlie's tried to pass along to me the different words they use for things... Scoff = chow/food   ready= loaded (guns)  pissed= drunk  and there were a bunch more that just aren't coming to me right now! Maybe I'll do a post on the Brits later! 

Marines, and Brits, and Helicopters, Oh My!

So, what do Marines, Brits and Helicopters have in common you ask.... Charlie of course!! I got to talk to Charlie for about 40 minutes last night! I was so tired I almost didn't answer my phone didn't recognize the 10 digit 805 area code phone number calling me. I though to myself "self, its 11:00pm, i'm not in college anymore so I doing get drunk friends calling for rides, whoever this is probably has the wrong number and is drunk and just wouldn't understand, self, don't answer" but, my half asleep self answered anyways! And thank goodness I did b/c it was Charlie calling!! after a little confusion with the "hello?" "Hi" "Who's this?" convo, I finally realized it was him and I woke right up!

I guess I wasn't expecting his calls, I wait for them, but I never expect them and I never try to anticipate when they might come, b/c then I get disappointed when I think he's going to call one night and it doesn't work out. Turns out he'd been back for a couple days but comm was down, "river city," so last night was the first chance he had to call.

He's doing well, he sounded really upbeat and happy. He sounded most excited about the helicopter mission, and the fact that he was apart of the largest British helicopter operation in British history! And add to that, not a shot was fired! Yay!

Probably not the same kind he was in... but who knows! 

Charlie mentioned that they went into a lot of villages and pissed off a lot of farmers. It safer to walk through the farm fields to get from place to place than to walk down the roads, so the farmers get pretty upset. One farmer got so upset that these guys were walking through his farm that he took the guys down the road and showed them where he thought the IEDs were! But the point of going into the villages was not to piss people off, but gather information. It was mixed emotions on whether they were wanted in the villages or not, but he said he felt like they did a lot of good, and got some good information, and the majority of the people there welcomed them. So all in all it sounded like this past week was pretty exciting for him. I was just happy to hear that everyone that went out with him made it back safe and sound! Even this monster...

That's Char's MWD Robbie, isn't he sweet looking! 

On the Wagon... Again...

The workout wagon that is! When I first started this workout program I was so consistent! I worked out every day! The program even had off days, Tuesdays and Sundays, so I enjoyed those and kicked my butt the other days! That lasted all of about 4 weeks!

And then I started working out when I felt like it, when I wanted to, which averaged about 4 days a week during good weeks, and 2 on the off weeks, and sometimes I'd blow it off all together. I got unmotivated, I simply didn't care. I knew I was seeing improvements, knew the workouts were helping me achieve my goals, but even that wasn't motivation enough. Probably due to the fuzzy, head in the clouds, fogginess I've been feeling lately.

But after yesterday's blog, I decided its about darn time I pull my head out of the clouds and get on with it already. Start feeling again, start caring about things, start having a little fun, and get into a happy routine! So today at work I didn't let the drama or the attitudes get to me, I just worked away on my loans, and sent them off to be signed off by anyone that has a more powerful signature than mine! And then after work today, I got home, changed, and worked out! I was pouring sweat after about 3 minutes! It felt so good, I even did the added 20 minute ab workout after!

And now I can barely move, my whole body is sore and it feels so good! After a nice long shower, and facial, I now have the rest of my evening to eat dinner, read, write, wait. Yes, wait, always waiting.... waiting for my next call from Charlie!!

Foggy

Its foggy here tonight and it reminds me of the mood I have been in lately. I'm feeling a little lost, a little dark, can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, my head is in the clouds. I'm a pro at compartmentalizing my life, but recently I've realized it has dulled me a bit.

Work gets tucked away promptly at 5 pm and doesn't get opened up again until 8:30 am. I had to learn that when I worked at the vet clinic, when cases would get so emotional, so involved, so stressful, that I was no fun to be around after a long day of work. My job now is not emotional at all, just stressful. So, when 5 pm rolls around I lock up my desk, shut down my computer, tuck the stress away, and head on home to enjoy the evening before the cycle starts back up again.

Another nifty compartment of mine is my family. I love my family, I love spending time with them, love watching my nephew grow up, but I miss them. I feel like I miss out on a lot, my sister and her husband and little boy live 5 minutes from my parents, and my older brother lives close too, and for a long while my younger brother lived there too. When I first moved to SLO I was really homesick, so I packed up all those family feelings into a little box and I pull them out when I'm home and get to enjoy being with my family.

most recent family pic Christmas 2008

My brother gets his own compartment. He's by far one of my best friends, someone I always get along with, a person I can tell anything to, someone who is there 24 hours a day no matter what. Except for the fact he can't be there 24 hours a day, for the last year I wasn't even able to call him b/c he was in Korea. It took some extra effort on both of our parts to keep that friendship strong, and we both did all we could. When I left Elk Grove this weekend I started to get a little emotional, but just as soon as it hit, I packed up the tears and said enough is enough. My brother is currently driving to Georgia where he will be based for the next couple years. I've never been to Georgia, pretty excited to visit soon, maybe Charlie will get to go with me!

Boot camp/ MP Graduation January 2009

The biggest compartment I have, the one with the most emotions, and life, and memories packed into it is the one for Charlie. I was writing him yesterday and I realized just how numb I am to emotions right now. I don't let myself cry, I don't let myself think about the scary stuff, I don't worry, simply put, I'm not feeling anything this deployment. The one thing I do feel, the thing I allow myself to feel is his love. I try not to think about how much I miss him b/c it hurts, it physically hurts to miss him as much as I do. But his love is something I can feel every day, something that always makes me smile, something that can help me see through the fog. There are lots of happy memories in the Charlie file, and lots of happy stuff to come, but right now, getting through this deployment means there's a secondary Charlie compartment that houses all the scary emotional stuff, and that's just going to stay locked up till Charlie gets home.

Being goofy on the Toy Story ride at CA Adventure

I realize after writing and thinking about it, I'm fortunate to be able to compartmentalize, but that ability leaves me numb. When I really think about it, I see that those compartments are simply full of emotions that I don't want to deal with, feelings I don't want to accept, things I'd rather just not think about. Putting things away in little baskets helps keep me together, keeps my life all nice and tidy, but can they stay locked up forever?