Photographic Update!

Charlie and I have been Skyping a lot the last two days! Its been so nice to actually get to see him while we chat! I know I've gone on and on about how much I love skype, so I'll spare you the details! But, in short, Charlie is doing great! He's still with the Brits and keeping busy. In our chat the other night he sent over lots of pictures, so here they are!

That's Robbie on the left and Tigo, Tim's dog on the right. Just relaxin after a long walk! 

One of the little kids Charlie saw. He says kids will fight, really throw punches, over a piece of candy! 

Afghanistan has turkeys too!! 

This was just after a Shura, a meeting between the military and the locals. 

They pay the locals good money for the use of their compounds. They use them for sleeping and storing their gear while they're in a village. 

Cute lil puppy running around Afghanistan! 

And last but not least, Charlie after 2 weeks in the field, apparently running with the Brits has its advantages... shaving, what's that?! 

Charlie has lots of stories of his time with the Brits. He's having a great time with them, but a terrible time trying to understand them! The Brits are not to bad to understand, but there is a Scottish guy and he's impossible! I heard him the other night when we were on skype and it seriously sounded like he was speaking in a completely different language! Charlie's tried to pass along to me the different words they use for things... Scoff = chow/food   ready= loaded (guns)  pissed= drunk  and there were a bunch more that just aren't coming to me right now! Maybe I'll do a post on the Brits later! 

Marines, and Brits, and Helicopters, Oh My!

So, what do Marines, Brits and Helicopters have in common you ask.... Charlie of course!! I got to talk to Charlie for about 40 minutes last night! I was so tired I almost didn't answer my phone didn't recognize the 10 digit 805 area code phone number calling me. I though to myself "self, its 11:00pm, i'm not in college anymore so I doing get drunk friends calling for rides, whoever this is probably has the wrong number and is drunk and just wouldn't understand, self, don't answer" but, my half asleep self answered anyways! And thank goodness I did b/c it was Charlie calling!! after a little confusion with the "hello?" "Hi" "Who's this?" convo, I finally realized it was him and I woke right up!

I guess I wasn't expecting his calls, I wait for them, but I never expect them and I never try to anticipate when they might come, b/c then I get disappointed when I think he's going to call one night and it doesn't work out. Turns out he'd been back for a couple days but comm was down, "river city," so last night was the first chance he had to call.

He's doing well, he sounded really upbeat and happy. He sounded most excited about the helicopter mission, and the fact that he was apart of the largest British helicopter operation in British history! And add to that, not a shot was fired! Yay!

Probably not the same kind he was in... but who knows! 

Charlie mentioned that they went into a lot of villages and pissed off a lot of farmers. It safer to walk through the farm fields to get from place to place than to walk down the roads, so the farmers get pretty upset. One farmer got so upset that these guys were walking through his farm that he took the guys down the road and showed them where he thought the IEDs were! But the point of going into the villages was not to piss people off, but gather information. It was mixed emotions on whether they were wanted in the villages or not, but he said he felt like they did a lot of good, and got some good information, and the majority of the people there welcomed them. So all in all it sounded like this past week was pretty exciting for him. I was just happy to hear that everyone that went out with him made it back safe and sound! Even this monster...

That's Char's MWD Robbie, isn't he sweet looking! 

On the Wagon... Again...

The workout wagon that is! When I first started this workout program I was so consistent! I worked out every day! The program even had off days, Tuesdays and Sundays, so I enjoyed those and kicked my butt the other days! That lasted all of about 4 weeks!

And then I started working out when I felt like it, when I wanted to, which averaged about 4 days a week during good weeks, and 2 on the off weeks, and sometimes I'd blow it off all together. I got unmotivated, I simply didn't care. I knew I was seeing improvements, knew the workouts were helping me achieve my goals, but even that wasn't motivation enough. Probably due to the fuzzy, head in the clouds, fogginess I've been feeling lately.

But after yesterday's blog, I decided its about darn time I pull my head out of the clouds and get on with it already. Start feeling again, start caring about things, start having a little fun, and get into a happy routine! So today at work I didn't let the drama or the attitudes get to me, I just worked away on my loans, and sent them off to be signed off by anyone that has a more powerful signature than mine! And then after work today, I got home, changed, and worked out! I was pouring sweat after about 3 minutes! It felt so good, I even did the added 20 minute ab workout after!

And now I can barely move, my whole body is sore and it feels so good! After a nice long shower, and facial, I now have the rest of my evening to eat dinner, read, write, wait. Yes, wait, always waiting.... waiting for my next call from Charlie!!

Foggy

Its foggy here tonight and it reminds me of the mood I have been in lately. I'm feeling a little lost, a little dark, can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, my head is in the clouds. I'm a pro at compartmentalizing my life, but recently I've realized it has dulled me a bit.

Work gets tucked away promptly at 5 pm and doesn't get opened up again until 8:30 am. I had to learn that when I worked at the vet clinic, when cases would get so emotional, so involved, so stressful, that I was no fun to be around after a long day of work. My job now is not emotional at all, just stressful. So, when 5 pm rolls around I lock up my desk, shut down my computer, tuck the stress away, and head on home to enjoy the evening before the cycle starts back up again.

Another nifty compartment of mine is my family. I love my family, I love spending time with them, love watching my nephew grow up, but I miss them. I feel like I miss out on a lot, my sister and her husband and little boy live 5 minutes from my parents, and my older brother lives close too, and for a long while my younger brother lived there too. When I first moved to SLO I was really homesick, so I packed up all those family feelings into a little box and I pull them out when I'm home and get to enjoy being with my family.

most recent family pic Christmas 2008

My brother gets his own compartment. He's by far one of my best friends, someone I always get along with, a person I can tell anything to, someone who is there 24 hours a day no matter what. Except for the fact he can't be there 24 hours a day, for the last year I wasn't even able to call him b/c he was in Korea. It took some extra effort on both of our parts to keep that friendship strong, and we both did all we could. When I left Elk Grove this weekend I started to get a little emotional, but just as soon as it hit, I packed up the tears and said enough is enough. My brother is currently driving to Georgia where he will be based for the next couple years. I've never been to Georgia, pretty excited to visit soon, maybe Charlie will get to go with me!

Boot camp/ MP Graduation January 2009

The biggest compartment I have, the one with the most emotions, and life, and memories packed into it is the one for Charlie. I was writing him yesterday and I realized just how numb I am to emotions right now. I don't let myself cry, I don't let myself think about the scary stuff, I don't worry, simply put, I'm not feeling anything this deployment. The one thing I do feel, the thing I allow myself to feel is his love. I try not to think about how much I miss him b/c it hurts, it physically hurts to miss him as much as I do. But his love is something I can feel every day, something that always makes me smile, something that can help me see through the fog. There are lots of happy memories in the Charlie file, and lots of happy stuff to come, but right now, getting through this deployment means there's a secondary Charlie compartment that houses all the scary emotional stuff, and that's just going to stay locked up till Charlie gets home.

Being goofy on the Toy Story ride at CA Adventure

I realize after writing and thinking about it, I'm fortunate to be able to compartmentalize, but that ability leaves me numb. When I really think about it, I see that those compartments are simply full of emotions that I don't want to deal with, feelings I don't want to accept, things I'd rather just not think about. Putting things away in little baskets helps keep me together, keeps my life all nice and tidy, but can they stay locked up forever?

Yippie!!!

 My phone rang while I was at lunch, I heard the shiny blackberry vibrating across the table and I ignored it at first, just another spam e-mail, and then I heard that little piano start playing the entertainer.... Phone Call! And then I got ubber unexcited assuming it was Walgreens telling me I had another prescription ready, going on 3 just this week.... but I glanced down, and the bright blue screen simply had five numbers scrolled across it... 80208... I couldn't believe it, I didn't believe it. I answered the phone a little hesitant, and a little excited... "Hello??!?"

It was Charlie!!! He sounded soooo happy! Happy to be back on base, happy to have showered, to sleep in a real bed, he even sounded a little happy to talk to me! He's been out with the Brits for the last month doing all kinds of stuff to keep himself busy. He was shocked that it was February already, bummed he missed the super bowl (he didn't even know who played), and so excited that a whole month had passed since he last left base.

It was so nice to hear him so happy. This last month has been a bit rough for me, but manageable, I just missed him a lot. And hearing him today, how happy he was that he'd been so busy and he was getting to work made it all worth it. I hope we get to talk a couple more times before he goes out again, I definitely have not gotten my fill of hearing his stories and catching up with him. It was 2 am his time when he called so I'm sure some sleep in a real bed will do him some good.

Thanks for all of the support this last month, I couldn't have been so strong and calm without the support of my friends and family! THANK YOU!

Too Long...

It has been over 3 weeks now since I last heard from Charlie. I miss him like crazy. I try not to complain too much about him being gone, or missing him. I mean, I'm dating a Marine, I knew what I was getting myself into, and going through deployments is in the job description. I'm ok with the deployment, I'm ok with the distance and I'm even ok with not hearing from him for days on end. But that doesn't mean I don't miss him.

I try not to worry when I don't hear from him for a few days. The longest we've gone without talking, prior to this spell was only a few days. I always knew a phone call was coming soon, within a couple days, but now I'm lost! I have no idea when the next call will come, I hope it's soon, but I just don't know. Charlie always asks me not to worry about him when I don't hear from him for days on end "no news is good news," and I'm actually pretty good about the not worrying part. Why sit around stressing myself out over something I have absolutely NO control over

Most people I talk to about Charlie say "I don't know how you do it?!?" or "I would worry myself crazy!" or " I could never do that." I know that I can get through this, mostly because it's not an "I" thing, it a "we" thing, and I know for a fact Charlie and I can get through just about anything if we do it together. I may not get to hear from him as often as I would like, but I carry him with me every day, and he's in my thoughts every day. There isn't a decision I make during my day that doesn't involve his input, even if he isn't there to give it.

When I get frustrated at work I can hear him telling me "stick up for yourself, you don't deserve to be treated like that," when I want to crap out on my workout for the night I can hear him pushing me to keep going "only one more mile" or "10 more push ups, you can do it." He's my moral compass, my subconscious voice helping me through my days. Its his love, and our companionship, that lets me know, even when I don't hear from him, that everything is going to be ok.