2009 in Review...

I saw this on Coach P's blog and thought it would be nice to reflect on the past year. 2009 was good and bad for lots of people and instead of just blogging on and on about the year its nice to have a little focus to reflect on before next year! (its a little long...enjoy!) 


2009 Reflection Questions

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?
Falling in love with my best friend. Charlie and I have built an amazing relationship over this past year. We have spent a lot of time apart between his deployment training trips, hunting trips, and other training, not to mention the 5 days a week we spend apart every week. All of our time apart has forced us to really build our communication skills, really talk to each other and get to know each other. I have never spent so much time talking to someone as I have with Charlie. He is truly my best friend and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. 

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?
Learning which relationships were worth putting time into, and which ones were sucking me dry. I have never been the type of person to have A LOT of friends, I have always had a few very close friends that I did everything with. This year I realized I was putting a lot of extra time and effort into friendships that were very one sided. I'd only get a phone call when someone wanted a ride somewhere, " lets get together to go to pismo for dinner" actually means, my boyfriend is working in Pismo tonight I want to go visit him but I don't have a car so do you want to drive me and we'll have dinner while we visit him? Or I'd get a phone call when an extra hand was needed at the winery. At first it didn't bother me so much b/c we always had a good time whenever we'd hang out and she is a very sweethearted girl. But then after a while, it seems we'd make plans, and then I'd get flaked on, and I was always the one trying to make the plans, trying to get together for dinner, hang out for drinks, go shopping, and it seemed like it only worked out when she didn't have anything better to do, or we'd make plans and then they'd get cancelled. I realized I was disappointed a lot, so I just stopped trying to make the plans, and now I'm not disappointed, just a little upset b/c I no longer have the friend either. But I guess that's proof that my efforts should go to friends and family that care. It was really hard for me to walk away from that friendship, to stop trying, but I only need people in my life that need me in theirs too.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?
Driving became an joy this year. I used to despise driving, used to chat on the phone for the entire 4 hour drive to my parents house just to avoid being alone on the road for that long. But this year in my 25-30 trips to San Diego, I learned to embrace driving, and the time alone. I loved my drive time, 405 traffic and all. I got to collect my thoughts on fridays after work, got to decompress prior to getting to San Diego and spending time with Charlie. I got to listen to what was new on the radio, listen to talk radio, and take in the constant change in sights and sounds in LA. My GPS has a traffic receiver and so "sally" would route me all over LA. I found a beautiful VA cemetery in Los Angeles, drove by dodger stadium during the playoffs, got re-routed through downtown LA, and I now know how to get past that terrible Getty Center traffic! My drives home from San Diego were always pretty painful b/c  it was generally late a night, and I'd just left Charlie, but it gave me time to plan out my next week and think about what was ahead. I guess I learned to value that personal time, and use it to its greatest extent.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?
I have never had a relationship like mine and Charlie's. And I never knew how it would effect my life. I feel like it is a huge balancing act that I had a hard time balancing this year. My relationship with Charlie has altered my relationship with others. I have focused so much on building my relationship with Charlie, and for a while I didn't realize our relationship had replaced all other relationships in my life. I have had to learn where everyone else now fits in. I turn to Charlie for everything, to talk about frustrations, problems, happiness, work, and life in general. I love that he is there for me for whatever it is that I need. And when you are building a life with someone I believe that it is vital that they are the person you turn to when life throws your curve balls.  Those conversations used to take place with my mom, with my best friend Lisa, with my sister, and with other friends, with whoever I felt like venting to. Now I have those conversations with Charlie, and my relationships with my friends and family have changed. Now I have to work on nurturing my friendships and figuring out how they fit in too. Its nice being able to call my sister just to chat about life, not b/c I'm having an issue or I'm confused about something. I can call my mom to chat about recipes and work. Lisa and I can just catch up on the good things going on in our lives. Of course Lisa and I still gossip about our college days, and call each other when we are having issues in our lives. That's what best friends are for, but lucky for her I now have Charlie to deal with my day to day issues! 


5. Pick three words to describe 2009.
exciting, loving, challenging

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2009 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).
stressful, emotional, exhilarating

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2009 (again, without asking).
adventurous, passionate, frustrating 

8. What were the best books you read this year?
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. While it is a bit of preventative maintenance for our relationship, there are a lot of good points that are made in the book. Its made me look at not only my relationship with Charlie but all of my relationships in life. It talks about being a more considerate person, and realizing how your actions affect others. I think everyone could benefit from some self reflection, and this book helped me. 

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
Definitely my relationship with Charlie is by far on of my most valuable, and my relationship with my best friend Lisa is also very important to me. My sister and I have finally learned how to be friends over the past few years and it has been so nice, it is one of my most cherished relationship just b/c of how far we have come and how much it has changed and developed. 

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?
Making the time to take care of myself. I treat myself terribly, I don't eat as good as I should, I don't take the time to work out as much as I want, I don't grocery shop enough, and I don't do laundry often enough. Bottom line I don't take good care of myself. I have put a lot of effort into myself this last month, mainly b/c I have the time, and my focus has been on keeping myself busy. I decided not to "get a hobby" during Charlie's deployment, but rather focus on taking better care of myself. 


11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I learned to let someone in. I let Charlie break down every last wall I had built up around my heart. I used to be very guarded, I would let people in, but only so far. This year I learned to trust, learned what a healthy, supportive relationship feels like. And I learned how to break down the barriers I had built up to keep people out. 

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?
I have never been a church going person. I was baptized as a child, and then never went to church after that. But I have always believed, and I have always prayed in my own way. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, and that what happens is God's will. I have a sense of calm with Charlie's deployment and I think it is b/c I have had to grasp onto my own spirituality. My calm comes from knowing that God is watching over him, that there is not a thing I can do to keep him safe, that I can pray for his safe return, but in the end, it is God's will. It is that thought that has kept me from worrying myself sick. I can pray for a safe return, but worrying about all of the terrible things that could happen over the next six months doesn't do anyone any good, when in the end, everything happens for a reason, and worrying doesn't help anything. 

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
Besides gaining 10 lbs? In the last month my muscles have grown! I have started a new workout program that I love, and its working! While I haven't lost much weight, I can definitely see a little more tone to my muscles! yay! 

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?
Mine and Charlie's relationship grows every day! And it gets better every day. Our time apart truly has made us stronger, and I appreciate the little things so much more b/c of the challenges Charlie and I have faced. Also, my brother and I have grown in our relationship. He's been in Korea this whole year and we have relied heavily on technology  to communicate as much as possible. It has taken a lot of effort to nurture that relationship, and its been worth it. 

15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?
I don't put any effort into managing my home, my room is a mess almost always b/c I only use it to as a place to lay my head. But my favorite thing is clean sheets. I love having clean sheets, but I hate making my bed!! I'm also not a big fan of laundry, but when I get it all together and get energy, generally on a weekend, and I put on new sheets, I LOVE IT! 

16. What was your most challenging area of home management?
Keeping my room clean.  I don't know why its so hard to keep laundry in the laundry basket, to do my laundry regularly enough, to throw away things that aren't needed. I feel like my room is full of clutter, piles of laundry that need to be done, I have a box of cut up boxes that need to be taken to the recycling, pure laziness I suppose. It is my new years resolution to keep it all together this year, to get a schedule to my chores, maybe a good ol' fashioned chore chart? Or at least a list of things I want to get done weekly! 

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
well besides driving...I spent soooooo much time on the road this year, I put 35,000 miles on my truck this year, which may not sound like much but I only put 45,000 miles total on it the first 3 1/2 years I owned it. I commute 70 miles round trip a day to/from work, and then 500 miles round trip on my weekends for driving. Now I'm not saying the destinations weren't worth the trips, but no one should spend that many hours in their vehicle! And that's going to change next year! No more long distance! yay! 


As far as wasted time though, I'd definitely say facebook. Its a mental escape for me, I facebook when I get home from work and just escape reality for a bit. Nothing productive gets done, its a total wast of time, but I'm ok with that, everyone needs their own release! 


18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
My weekends with Charlie was the most rewarding use of my time this past year. Spending quality time with a person you love is heartwarming and fun and all the stress of life just disappeared when I was with Charlie. My weekends with Charlie made my days at work pass by faster as I always had something to look forward to! Cultivating that relationship has been so rewarding and has added so much to my life. 


19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?
I've learned to let go of relationships that don't benefit me, relationships that suck me dry and don't give me any happiness. I've learned to only let people into my life that need me in theirs, and to cherish those friendships, as they are the most precious relationships one could ask for. 


20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2009 for you.
2009 has laid the foundation for an amazing future!